April 20th was the worst day of my life.  It will always be now the day my dad took his final breath.  I knew it was coming.  I knew my heart would shatter into a million bazillion pieces that night, but no matter how much you prepare for that day in your mind, your heart will never feel the crushing blow of losing your daddy.  Everything hurts...but time doesn't stop.  Life doesn't cease.  Somehow you put one foot in front of the other and you keep moving and you get out of bed and you do everything you did before you lost your dad.  But the hurt doesn't go away and for some moments, it seems to only deepen.  some moments you hurt worse than others.

One of the things that has kept me going though is knowing how very loved my daddy was.  In the days after his passing, I learned how other people saw him.  I had always seen him as my hero and as such a great man that I had put him on a pedestal that no mere mortal could ever step foot on.  More than 200 people came to say goodbye to my dad at his celebration of life service.  Many came with stories of his awesomeness.  So many cried with me, but all of them gave me a glimpse of my dad that I had never seen before.  He was not only a great friend, but an amazing mentor as well.  I had no idea how many lives he had touched.  He was the ultimate anti-cheerleader cheerleader :0)

so here I am...Almost a month later and I'm writing in this blog.  I am hoping that by writing, my grief will lessen and I will learn how to cope with this devastating loss.  I'll probably share some memories.  Probably share my sadness...my grief goes to some of the darkest places I have ever been, but maybe it'll just help me heal and maybe it'll help someone else heal too.  I'm going to try to stay on the more positive end of this...whatever that may be.  I'll also probably share some of my faith and probably a little bit more of my family.  Some of the things that still make me smile!  Because even though this by far and away the hardest thing I have ever had to go through, there have been some good things too.  Some things that need mentioning and remembering.  I miss my dad everyday, but I know he is with me.  Always watching over me and my family.  Bringing sunshine when I need it...even on those darkest days!