There is Nothing I Love More than my Son (sorry Justin :o)

People will tell you that when you have a baby, you will instantly feel an immense amount of love for your child greater than anything you've ever known in your life. This is true...they don't lie to you. From the moment he was born, Jackson has consumed my thoughts and dreams. Every ounce of energy and time I have to spend, I will spend with him. Before you have a baby you think you'll still be able to converse with all of your friends about non-baby things, but you can't. Your child will take up 99.5% of all of your conversations and you will feel like at the end of it, you could still have told your friends more. I could talk about Jackson all day: from the cute to the gross...nothing is really sacred when it comes to talking about your kidlet. Jackson is truly the light of my whole life and he just makes me so incredibly happy 24-7. There have been moments when I wanted to cry b/c I felt like I was a bad mother and that he would've been better off with someone else for a mom, but I can't imagine my world without him in it.

Ok now to explain this love fest....I've been watching Teen Mom and 16 & Pregnant on Mtv (probably my first mistake) and as I watch these shows I grow increasingly scared for today's teenagers. It's no secret that teen pregnancy rates are growing, but I just see their stories on these shows and I can't help but hang my head and shake it. These girls just have no idea how hard it is and what they're giving up raising a baby at that age. I know that it's possible and I know that there are plenty of great teenage mother stories out there, but I can't imagine being 13 (as one of my kids at school's older sister is) and raising Jackson. I think I would want to give up. As a 28 year old, I've given up a lot and I've felt incredibly lucky and lonely at the same time to have done that. But at 28 years old, I've given myself the opportunity to at least do some of the things I wanted to do. For example, wanted to go away to college...DONE! If I had had a baby in high school, that wouldn't have been possible. I wouldn't have seen the things and places I've seen b/c I wouldn't have had the funds to do it. I know my parents would've helped me, but knowing how fiercely independent I am, I wouldn't have asked for help as much as I probably should've. I also think to the relationships these girls have with their families and their baby daddies. Relationships are hard enough without having to throw a baby in the mix. Justin and I have fought and argued more in this last 8 months than we have in the almost 6 years we've been together and a lot of that is because of the stress of having Jackson and he isn't even a tough kid to raise. We've been lucky that he's been healthy and happy and that he just is as easy-going as can be. At 16, I thought I knew what love was, but at 16 I was selfish and no matter how much I may have loved my boyfriend at the time, a baby would've only served to drive us apart faster. I feel so bad for these girls because the guys that knocked them up weren't ready for babies either and now they are stuck with these morons forever. At least if Justin and I ever do break up or separate, I know that we can be just as strong of parents apart as we could together and that he would be there for Jackson no matter what I asked of him. We would be a team whether we liked each other or not. I just don't think these girls could've possibly fully comprehended what they were getting themselves into when they decided to have unprotected sex as many of them did. Here's the real kicker...I heard that one of these girls may be pregnant AGAIN. Sometimes I just wish that God would require an application process of some kind for people who are doing the hippity-dippity or who are thinking about having babies. Then maybe he could read over the qualifications and test their sanity before he allows them to have children or a 2nd before the age of 20! GEESH! I'm 28...my son is 8 months and Justin and I have no desire to have another one anytime soon. We'd like to wait until Jackson is at least out of diapers, but me more than anyone knows that accidents happen no matter what precautions you take :0) All I'm saying is that having a baby no matter what the age is tough and the sacrifices you make for your child are endless. You don't realize how totally selfish you are until you have to give up a lot of your hopes and dreams and the things you want to do.

Ok...now that I've got that off my chest...Jackson never seizes to amaze me and I'm blown away by how amazing he is. The other day he gave me kisses. It was so adorable. I said, "Jackson give mommy kisses" and he just opened his mouth up as wide as he could and gave me a wide open mouth kiss on the lips. It was beautiful! He still has no teeth, isn't crawling, and isn't walking, but he still eats and smiles and claps and is so happy 90% of the time! I have a feeling that at 9 months everything is just going to happen boom boom boom. Right now, he's got a little bit of a cold or what I think is a cold. His nose is running non-stop, but there's no fever and he's still alert and as happy as could be, so I think it's either teething or a cold. Here's a few pictures of the 8 month big boy:

No Teeth, No Crawling, but a Little Bit of Walking

So many times I have started this blog with a "WOW" or a "Times Flies By", but it really does. It's hard to believe that my little man is now 8 months old. When I think about the first few moments I shared with him, it completely blows my mind to think that midnight feedings have been replaced my midnight snores and non-stop breastfeeding has been replaced with him feeding himself (every once and awhile anyway). His cries for a nap still exist, but he now will cry himself to sleep in about 5-10 minutes at nap time. Yep, Jackson is 8 months old and is definitely growing into a personality. People have told me that around 6-8 months, babies go through a time of anxiety and will cry if they don't see their parents. Jackson is definitely going through this phase right now. Sometimes we'll just walk out of the room to go to the bathroom for 5 minutes and he'll look up and see us gone and he'll just ball hysterically. Then he'll be totally fine when we come back in the room. He hasn't thrown too many fits when we give him to other people, but he definitely pouts or whimpers if we're not within eyesight. He's still very good though when we go out in public and is a total flirt with all the ladies. He's definitely a ladies man. I hope this phase doesn't last forever...the ladies man/needing momma and daddy in sight phase :0)

At 8 months old, he still has no teeth. I swear they are playing hide-and-seek with us. Somedays they look right on the edge and then I'll blink and the next day they'll be out of sight. His drooling has picked up again and he's starting to chew on things a lot more, but still not teethers! Luckily, he hasn't been too fussy and still sleeps through the night (knock on wood). His hair growing and becoming more and more crazy. He has cowlicks all over and just lots and lots of waves. I love it, but it always looks a mess. Hopefully soon, I'll be able to throw it in a mohawk :0) He's growing too like a weed...length and width. Jackson always wants to stand up now and he's taller than my knees and what seems like almost up to my hip bones. He's very very heavy now...he's a little poundcake. He's not overweight or anything (at least not that I know of), but he's got a his baby rolls and he's big old baby belly. Oh goodness, he's just too cute...at least I think he is!

As for development, the only crawling he's still doing is the kind where he goes backward or turns in a 360 degree circle. He's getting stronger though and will stay on his stomache a lot longer! He used to HATE being on his stomache, but now I think he has fun...mostly because he will just roll over and over and over again until he gets to what he wants or to the position he wants to be in. It's pretty funny to watch. He's walking more and more with some assistance and will pull himself up on certain things like his crib or the coffee table. He can also stand by himself for a few seconds before he falls on his toosh. He also can recognize his momma and dadda when you ask him where they are. He's also clapping like a champ! He giggles and smiles almost non-stop and just loves life! He's such a happy little clam! More than anything, he still loves his books. He can sit for an hour plus just with some of his books, flipping the pages back and forth. It makes me so proud! I'm also so proud because he's such a great sleeper. We're actually trying to get him ready for bed even earlier b/c his normal 8pm bedtime is almost too late for him. We're trying to get him in bed at 7:30 or 7:15pm. He's such a good little bug!

Well, there is his 8 month update. He'll go to the doctor next month and we'll know more about his heighth and weighth and whether or not he's on track developmentally. We've been doing this 8 months now and it's definitley gotten easier, but the hardest thing is the eating thing. Am I feeding him enough? Am I feeding him too much? Am I feeding him the right things? When do I start giving him pieces of meat? When can I start giving him...? So many questions about the eating thing...I hope with time I'll be able to just know that I'm doing the right thing and trust that. I pray someday my instincts will help steer me in the right direction on this particular subject!

In other news, Justin still hasn't found a job. I'm definitely having moments of sadness and depression over the whole situation. We have 4 months until he's done with school and I'm a planner. I have to have a plan on how I want things to go, but not knowing where we'll be going is just really really freakin' hard on me. I had finally gotten a little used to the idea of New Mexico and we're still waiting for an answer! It is so incredibly frustrating. I just want to call these people myself and scream, "MAKE A STINKIN' DECISION ALREADY! Don't interview someone and then wait 3 months to let them know if they have a job!" GRRRRR...sorry sore subject. Trying to have a little faith and I'm praying daily, but if I've learned anything from the unexpectedness of Jackson's birth, I've learned that God will give you things when he's ready..not when I'm ready :0) Just gotta be patient and that's really really hard for me. I can do it though...gonna have to. Just pray for us!

Goodbye 2009 and Happy New Year!

WOW oh wow! What a difference a year makes. 2009 was such a gift, especially the month of May. Not only did Justin and I celebrate our 1 year wedding anniversary, but we also celebrated the birth of our baby man, Jackson. It's truly amazing all the great things that Jackson has brought to our lives. He is but 7 1/2 months old now, but time has really flown by! I would give anything to be able to slow things down with him, but well that's just not possible! Oh well, the last 7 1/2 months of 2009 were the greatest probably of my life and I'm so excited for what 2010 will bring us :0)

I don't believe in resolutions...I'm a list-making kinda girl, so here is Jackson's list of things to do in 2010:
- crawl -- still trying, but we're not making any sort of head way here!
- walk -- he's actually walking now by holding our fingers as he takes off...it's pretty amazing to see and he just started doing this in the last 2 weeks. Awesome!
- eat some new and different foods -- time to start feeding the baby man more than just baby food...time to start exploring bigger people food! Bring on the pizza...Just kidding! Not for a few more months :0)
- start saying some more words -- Jackson says Dada pretty regularly now, but I'm hoping to increase his vocabulary in the year 2010
- Start recognizing the people he's talking to and the words that he's saying with the objects he's looking at -- ya know, calling mom MAMA instead of dadadada or cat a cat
- Grow some teeth -- I think we've got some on the verge, but I really can't tell!
- Grow some more hair -- Hopefully enough to endure his 1st haircut and to cover up the last remnants of the hole of hair on the back of his head
- Meet some more ladies -- Jackson told me to write this one...he LOVES the ladies
- Make some more friends
- Learn how to dance independently -- He knows how to do the booty pop, but I'd like to see him learn some new dances
- Do some more laughing and giggling -- There is nothing better in the world than to hear my little man's laugh. He truly is a really happy baby and we're so blessed to hear his laugh quite frequently

Ok now it's my turn...List of things for me to do in 2010:
1 - Watch exciting things happening to my friends -- My cousin is getting hitched and most of my friends are on baby #2. Very happy for you all :0)
2 - Find out where we're moving to and then move and acclimate to the new place -- This is mostly on my hubby, who will be graduating in May. We'll be leaving Oklahoma and moving on. While the thought of leaving Oklahoma is kinda exciting, I'm a little anxious about leaving the OK behind and having to start over again. I definitely do NOT want to move every few years. I'm also anxious b/c we could end up even further away from home than we had hoped in a place like New Mexico. Oh well...I'm going to put it in God's hands and pray that wherever he sends us will be exactly where we're supposed to be for the time being.
3 - Get a new job -- I will be heartbroken when I have to leave Mark Twain, but b/c we're moving, I'll need a new job...either in the classroom or the library, but I think preferably in the library. Can't afford to stay home with the baby man and I'm not sure my sanity could handle it. Being a stay-at-home mom is a good thing for some people, but I'm not sure anymore if it's a good thing for me. If it happens though, I will feel blessed.
4 - Sell the house and buy a new one -- With today's market, it's a little scary to sell a house, but I have a feeling we won't have a problem. Buying a new house will also be a challenge, especially if we move to New Mexico...it's so expensive out that way. If we go to somewhere like Tennessee or South Carolina, it'll be a little easier to find something.
5 - Get back into the pool and start swimming again -- Time to lose that last 10-15 pounds I gained carrying the bean. I'm going to teach the baby man too.
6 - Meet some new friends -- New place to live means new opportunities to meet some friends
7 - Find some time to be with my hubby -- Having a baby, especially in a place where you don't have many friends to watch the little guy, hasn't been easy on a newly married couple. We've been out together maybe 2 times in the last 7 1/2 months and eventhough we're moving again to a place where we probably won't have any family around again, I want to find a way to for us "reconnect." I'd love to be able to spend some time with my hubby.
8 - Continue to feel more comfortable in my own skin -- I've come a long way in the decade that just ended and I want to continue that journey. I'm not the same person I was a decade ago and I'm grateful for that. This next decade I really want to continue to become stronger and more comfortable in my relationships personally and also professionally.

So there it is...Hope ya'll had a wonderful holiday season! I sure did :0) Happy New Year all. Enjoy your 2010!