There is Nothing I Love More than my Son (sorry Justin :o)

People will tell you that when you have a baby, you will instantly feel an immense amount of love for your child greater than anything you've ever known in your life. This is true...they don't lie to you. From the moment he was born, Jackson has consumed my thoughts and dreams. Every ounce of energy and time I have to spend, I will spend with him. Before you have a baby you think you'll still be able to converse with all of your friends about non-baby things, but you can't. Your child will take up 99.5% of all of your conversations and you will feel like at the end of it, you could still have told your friends more. I could talk about Jackson all day: from the cute to the gross...nothing is really sacred when it comes to talking about your kidlet. Jackson is truly the light of my whole life and he just makes me so incredibly happy 24-7. There have been moments when I wanted to cry b/c I felt like I was a bad mother and that he would've been better off with someone else for a mom, but I can't imagine my world without him in it.

Ok now to explain this love fest....I've been watching Teen Mom and 16 & Pregnant on Mtv (probably my first mistake) and as I watch these shows I grow increasingly scared for today's teenagers. It's no secret that teen pregnancy rates are growing, but I just see their stories on these shows and I can't help but hang my head and shake it. These girls just have no idea how hard it is and what they're giving up raising a baby at that age. I know that it's possible and I know that there are plenty of great teenage mother stories out there, but I can't imagine being 13 (as one of my kids at school's older sister is) and raising Jackson. I think I would want to give up. As a 28 year old, I've given up a lot and I've felt incredibly lucky and lonely at the same time to have done that. But at 28 years old, I've given myself the opportunity to at least do some of the things I wanted to do. For example, wanted to go away to college...DONE! If I had had a baby in high school, that wouldn't have been possible. I wouldn't have seen the things and places I've seen b/c I wouldn't have had the funds to do it. I know my parents would've helped me, but knowing how fiercely independent I am, I wouldn't have asked for help as much as I probably should've. I also think to the relationships these girls have with their families and their baby daddies. Relationships are hard enough without having to throw a baby in the mix. Justin and I have fought and argued more in this last 8 months than we have in the almost 6 years we've been together and a lot of that is because of the stress of having Jackson and he isn't even a tough kid to raise. We've been lucky that he's been healthy and happy and that he just is as easy-going as can be. At 16, I thought I knew what love was, but at 16 I was selfish and no matter how much I may have loved my boyfriend at the time, a baby would've only served to drive us apart faster. I feel so bad for these girls because the guys that knocked them up weren't ready for babies either and now they are stuck with these morons forever. At least if Justin and I ever do break up or separate, I know that we can be just as strong of parents apart as we could together and that he would be there for Jackson no matter what I asked of him. We would be a team whether we liked each other or not. I just don't think these girls could've possibly fully comprehended what they were getting themselves into when they decided to have unprotected sex as many of them did. Here's the real kicker...I heard that one of these girls may be pregnant AGAIN. Sometimes I just wish that God would require an application process of some kind for people who are doing the hippity-dippity or who are thinking about having babies. Then maybe he could read over the qualifications and test their sanity before he allows them to have children or a 2nd before the age of 20! GEESH! I'm 28...my son is 8 months and Justin and I have no desire to have another one anytime soon. We'd like to wait until Jackson is at least out of diapers, but me more than anyone knows that accidents happen no matter what precautions you take :0) All I'm saying is that having a baby no matter what the age is tough and the sacrifices you make for your child are endless. You don't realize how totally selfish you are until you have to give up a lot of your hopes and dreams and the things you want to do.

Ok...now that I've got that off my chest...Jackson never seizes to amaze me and I'm blown away by how amazing he is. The other day he gave me kisses. It was so adorable. I said, "Jackson give mommy kisses" and he just opened his mouth up as wide as he could and gave me a wide open mouth kiss on the lips. It was beautiful! He still has no teeth, isn't crawling, and isn't walking, but he still eats and smiles and claps and is so happy 90% of the time! I have a feeling that at 9 months everything is just going to happen boom boom boom. Right now, he's got a little bit of a cold or what I think is a cold. His nose is running non-stop, but there's no fever and he's still alert and as happy as could be, so I think it's either teething or a cold. Here's a few pictures of the 8 month big boy: