A BIG Thank You to a Very Important Person

Today I have to get a little sentimental b/c August 28th is a very important day in my life. I will never forget August 28th b/c 14 years ago, I almost took my own life. If you know me at all, I have made it no secret that I've struggled with severe depression for my entire adolescence and most of my adult life up til now. Depression is a horrible disease...one I have fought long and hard to keep under control. Some days are better than others, but for the most part, I like to refer to myself as "clean and sober" for the last 5 years :0) 14 years ago was a different story. I was in a very bad place in my life and had experienced probably the worst pain I had felt in my life with the loss of the person I considered to be my very best friend in the world. Losing her at that time felt like losing a sister and I will never forget how much it hurt to hear her say she wanted nothing to do with me anymore. Looking back now, I think who could blame her? I wouldn't want to have been my friend either back then. As I said before, I was NOT a good person and I was in a very dark place at the time. I pushed her away...in fact, I tried to push everyone away, including someone who ended up saving my life on that August 28th. That day, after a particularly hard day at school and with that overwhelming pain from the loss of my friend and sinking deeper and deeper into my depression, I decided to end it and be done with it all. I came home from school, took a bottle of tylenol, and then waited....

As I was waiting, I decided to make one final phone call. I don't know why I decided to call anyone, but I'd like to think that God intervened and decided he wasn't quite ready for me yet, so he decided to make me call for help instead. Well, I called my friend Becky to say goodbye and b/c I called her, I'm still here today. She saved my life and I will never be able to fully repay her or properly thank her for that. B/c she got me help, I was able to seek the treatment I needed and while it has been a long road full of ups and downs, I finally feel like I have my life back...it's not being controlled by the depression anymore and for her I'm forever grateful. After my attempt, I was ashamed at what I had done and partially embarrassed. I couldn't let myself get close to her even if she wanted to be close to me and a lot of that has to do with that loss of friendship I experienced prior to my attempt. I spent the next 4 years of my life (high school) not knowing how to thank her or let her in, so our friendship faded. Though I lost the closeness I once had with her, I have NEVER forgotten her...her spirit, her kindness, her faith, not the unbelievable gift she gave me on August 28th.

I full heartedly give her most of the credit for my unbelievably wonderful life that I have today. If she hadn't saved my life, I wouldn't have met the two loves of my life: my amazing husband and my absolutely beautiful son. I wouldn't have a job that I love almost more than anything in the world nor a nice house, car, etc. I wouldn't have happiness in my life and a light in my eyes I never thought possible. Above anything else, I don't think I would be the person I am today. I'm still a work in progress and I know that I have a high probability for relapse, but I also know who I want to be and how far I don't want to fall ever again! But I also know (not trying to blow my own horn here, but...) that I'm a good person with a good heart underneath it all and I feel like I have a lot to offer this crazy world we live in!

I've never gotten to thank you Becky, but I really need to. I think of you often and eventhough, we'll probably never be as close as we were back in the day, I consider you one of the best people I will ever know. I'm so incredibly grateful that God brought you into my life, not only b/c you saved my life, but also b/c of what a truly amazing person you are. I have a truly blessed life and I'm so in debted to you for helping me get there. I don't think you will ever fully understand how much you mean to me or the impact you've had on me. I'm a firm believer that God places people in your life at times when you truly need them...some will be there forever...others will stay for awhile and then move on. Whether you consider me this way or not, I will always keep you in my heart...no matter how far away we are or how little we talk. Thank you for what you did back then and for inspiring me to this day to be better everyday. Thank you for being you! Today, August 28th, I celebrate my life and more than anything I celebrate you!