The Kind of Parent I DON'T Want to Be

Everyday I wake up and thank God for the following things: an amazing husband, a wonderful set of family and friends, this little man growing in my belly, and for the job I love more than anything. My job has taught me so much about the kind of person and parent I want to be as well as many many other things. I'm blessed to work with some fantastic people and some truly special, amazing children. I feel lucky ALMOST everyday...I say almost b/c not everyday is a walk in the park. There are days when I want to quit, but they are so few and far between and I think I've only been truly angry at my job 2 times in the last 3 years. Anyway....today was a rough day. I'm constantly reminded of what kind of parent I want to be and the one I don't want to be. Today I was reminded of the mom I don't want to be when I learned of the situation of one of my former students. It broke my heart to learn that her dad had been burned to death in a meth lab fire and her mom was now in jail for a combination of really bad things. The picture of her in the paper just ripped me to shreds and I kept thinking over and over and over again, "Why in the HELL would you be cooking meth in a house full of children!?!?!?!" I ask myself all the time why parents smoke in front of the children, but I can't possibly fathom why anyone would expose their children to any sort of drugs. It infuriates me that this former student of mine will have to grow up now without the only parents (good or bad) that she's ever known b/c of their own stupidity and selfishness. If you pray, please pray for this girl for many reasons, but maybe most importantly that this child will never have to know again the kind of life she's known up 'til now. That the next family she's with will give her a hundred times more love than her own birth parents have ever shown her. This is just another situation in a series of many I've experienced at my job that reminds me of the kind of mother I want to be. Whatever fears I have about being a mom, I know I'll never be as horrible as that mother.

I'm 34 weeks...only 6 more weeks to go :0) Jackson will be here very soon...Can't wait!